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Fiddlehead

April 8, 2007

Isn’t it cute? It looks like a little caterpillar. It’s just a baby. Who knew ferns could be cute?

Easy slow day so far. I’ve made a daffodil cake (yellow and white sponge cake) and frosted it – photo tomorrow once it’s decorated with flowers (if it’s decorated with flowers). We’re going to Terri’s sister’s for Easter tomorrow and I’ve been SO DEPRIVED of wheat/flour/baked goods so I thought it was a good time to bake a cake. And, use up some of those 9 dozen eggs. Then I thought that I would have a hard time not eating the cake before tomorrow, so I made a pound cake, which turned out sort of dense and not the best. So it’s going to be good nibble-cake, but it’s nothing special. It may get sacrified to the Lunch Room Table Gods at work on Monday.

Tomorrow I’m going to make veggie curry – new recipe from Cook’s Illustrated! I can’t wait! Tonight it’s leftover red lentil dal. I just didn’t feel like going to the store again today.

Such funny weather we’re having. So chilly and overcast. I have a sweater hanging outside, I should take it in before it rains. I clipped some lilacs from my neighbor’s huge bush, and they smell so good. I haven’t had lilacs in years and years. They always remind me of Easter.

I like Easter. I should have decorated this year. I like the spirit of renewal, I like all the secular celebrations, I even like the Christian Easter story. And of course the pagan fertility connotations are nice, too. It’s just a nice holiday. We used to put carrots out for the Easter Bunny, along with our basket of colored eggs for him to hide. We’d wake up in the morning and there would be little nibbles on the carrots. I love that. My mom had made a bunch of pretty decorated blown-out eggs to hang, and every year we’d gather branches for an Easter egg tree. Pussy willows, if we could find them. I was pleased that when I was in Finland, they have this tradition, too.

I think that I need to start bringing more of these traditions into our home. I miss them. It’s only us two, so it seems sort of pointless sometimes. But they bring joy to the house. I guess there aren’t really any holidays worth decorating for from now until July 4th (and all I really want to do on July 4th is wave around a few sparklers) but come Halloween, we’re decorating. And we’re going to have a tree next Christmas, too.

Lately I’ve been noticing how calm and happy I feel when I’m just focusing on the house, on my relationship, on exercise and simple things like hikes or food or petting the cat or making something for someone. I have been working so hard to ‘do’ something… and I think actually, all I really want to do right now is be, for a little while. It’s been such a stressful few years. I don’t think it would be a crime at all to just enjoy my life for awhile without having to chase some accomplishment or goal. I’m sure those goals will bubble up again soon enough, with real focus. For now, I think my goal is going to be reducing my every day stress that I bring on myself, and to really just enjoy my life. Ever since February, when I decided to just give myself a break, I’ve felt my stress level slowly decreasing. I’m going to just let that continue. After all, isn’t my goal really just to be happy and peaceful?

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