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Clean, Clean, Clean

June 4, 2007

Today: see yesterday. Only add in some shopping for organization goodies (shelf stackers, etc.). Look at that kitchen; who lives here? Wow. I took advantage of the incredibly clean and uncluttered kitchen and made some bread and cookies.

Food: I’ve eaten more wheat this weekend than I have in probably the last two months, and I’m paying for it. My tummy hurts. But, it’s been worth it in terms of deliciousness. However, tomorrow I think I’m going to go back to the (mostly) whole-food plan, at least during the week. I feel good eating that way. I’ve been happy eating plain yogurt and cultured cottage cheese, and soy for everything else (soymilk, etc.). It’s actually much easier than I thought to stay away from wheat, since I don’t like sandwiches very much. And it’s also been easier than I thought to stay away from sugar. But, I think I’ll have some leeway on the weekends. I love to bake and try different recipes, and I do like treats (chocolate and cheese, for instance) occasionally. I feel good about that. And of course, staying completely away from overprocessed foods and chemicals.

Artists Way: This first week is all about recovering a sense of safety. Looking at what those negative voices in my head tell me every time I try, and fail, to pick up a paintbrush, or talk myself out of experimenting with something. I think it will be interesting this week to look at what I tell myself, what that critic in my head says. I’m generally comfortable claiming the lable of ‘creative’… I even regard myself as an ‘artist’ (usually). But I do question my talent, my inspiration, my voice. I question what exactly it is that I have to say. I worry that I only have one good thing in me, and once I do it, I’m done. A quote used this week that clicked with me: “We have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic.” I find this true within myself, too. I’m disappointed about this — but hopefully keeping this in mind will help. I say to myself, “I don’t have time, I’m not talented enough, I don’t have anything to say, I couldn’t make enough for a whole show.” Somehow it’s okay to tell myself this, but it’s lightweight and overly optimistic to say, “I can make time, I have plenty of talent, I can look within and find what I want to say, I can make enough for a show, and more.”

Funny, just saying that (the positive), I feel better.

More on this later.

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