Let The Healing Begin
I need a good recipe for jerk chicken. Anyone?
Time for chili, soup, baked dinner dishes. Time to get out Laurel’s Kitchen and figure out how to get the most protein and vitamins possible (while still making it taste good). If we could, we’d eat meat, but neither of us are able to stomach it any more. Perhaps sliced chicken and turkey will suffice. And clearly, as evidenced by my Charlie Brown afternoon, time to slow down. Relax. We can do this.
The past week has been a rush of research and prayers. Wide swings of emotion. A spark of determination here and there; working the stages of acceptance (with a fighting spirit). The holidays are coming, and I’m looking forward to a quieter, smaller season here at home. I was thinking this morning about how I used to do all these small things all season, and loved them. Didn’t understand what all the ‘stress’ people were talking about was. Of course, I got older and stress started leaching in. This year: no more. Slow and steady, doing projects I enjoy. Cooking and baking. Going out to see pretty things when we can. I’m refusing to participate in the collective stress that emerges during the holidays. It IS a choice. I want to choose joy, and love.
I feel like I’m focusing a lot on what I can do in my outer life to help my inner life. I think it’s a response to feeling like things are out of my control. Which, of course, they are. I don’t have any control. Lesson #1.
I’m not sure it’s the best way to deal. I just sort of realized this, right now. As if somehow controlling our diet, our stress, our holidays, the housekeeping, etc. — as if it will change what I can’t change. It won’t. It might help, but ultimately it’s not my magical powers that will solve everything.
What will help, and what I can do, is be present. And not worry so much about the outward stuff. This is my lesson, over and over and over.