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Day Full of Nuthin’

June 15, 2008

Let’s start at the end: Mangoes and Sticky Rice. (no, I didn’t take that photo, although I wish I did) I’m in the middle of the process of making mangoes and sticky rice. It’s 9:30 pm so I might not get done with the process tonight, but I had this idea today to end the day with one of my favorite desserts. I had to start it at around 3 pm with soaking the rice, and I just now finished making the rice and adding the coconut milk. Now it has to sit for about half an hour or more and soak up the sauce. Then I can add the mango. But like I said, it might end up being breakfast. That’s okay.

Working backwards, we just had that delicious quinoa dish again. This is so good. It’s like my favorite avocado sushi, only with healthy quinoa and better dipping sauce (and all mixed together). I love the nori, too. Really, I could eat this A. Lot. It’s very addicting.

The rest of the day was full of nothing. Except a three mile run, which felt great. Running in the Nike Free shoes definitely makes me work a little bit harder but I can’t imagine going back to regular running shoes now. Well, and I did some laundry. But I forced myself to sleep in (waaaay in… I got up at 10:30) and just read the paper and magazines and made cookies, and chatted with my neighbor, and spied on a new neighbor moving in, and well I guess I quick-washed the floor too, but I really didn’t do very much today at all except rest. And run. But it felt great. I need more of this.

Terri continues to go through incredible ups and downs with this recovery (I’ve now decided to call what she’s going through recovery, not illness). The symptoms of what she is feeling seems to change by the hour. She can be completely exhausted and unable to talk (from pain, exhaustion, or despair) one minute, and then within an hour, ready and able to go out to do a nearby errand. Or she’s in incredible pain (either her shoulder, or all over body aches), and then she’ll be burning up and sweating, and then she’ll be feeling okay and find the gumption to play a prank on me. What is becoming clear is that something is happening with the treatment she’s doing now… I don’t know what exactly it’s targeting (Lyme? some other bug? The virus? who knows?) but something is happening. She is showing interest in updating her wardrobe, and we’re looking at vacation ideas (for future reference). Hope is finding its way in through the cracks.

It’s kind of difficult to stay even-keeled while she goes up and down and through this roller-coaster of symptoms. We really are running the gamut from the depths of despair (“it will never get better”) to an incredible high of hope (“I think something starting to change”). I swear I will never take health and hope for granted ever again.

I’m glad I’ve started running again; I think it’s really good for me as stress relief. I try not to worry and I fight the anxiety that seems inevitable when your beloved partner is very ill, but I can’t help it — although I am trying to stay within a certain spectrum of anxiety. The running is making me happy. I am drawn to very energetic, heavy music. I listen to Metallica, Van Halen, the Cure, Muse, Big Black, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin. I listen to it too loudly. I run and walk and sprint (and occasionally pirouette) and feel the tension leaving my shoulders as my legs get more tired and sore.

I ran three miles tonight and I wanted to do five. I’m not there yet — I was tired when I got home. But it felt really good. I love running in Alameda, especially this time of year. The houses are so pretty, and everyone’s got their gardens going. The trees are full and shady, and the traffic is light on the weekends. It’s flat and attractive no matter where you go, so I just wind my way through my favorite neighborhoods and check out my favorite old houses and gardens. There are always a ton of cats and dogs out, too. I’m kind of a slowpoke but I imagine myself running light and quick through the old streets. I create elaborate fantasies where I am flying through the streets, over the lagoons, exploring off-limits backyards and stately homes.

As the physiology class moves further behind me, my mind is opening up again. I’m dreaming more and thinking about different things; it feels good.

Well. It’s time to check on that sticky rice, and choose what book I’ll start tonight. I have about 12 old movies TiVo’d and will spend a good portion of tomorrow watching a couple of them. And yes, I’ve probably already seen about half of them.

Update at 10:30 pm: I couldn’t resist, the rice was done, so I scooped out some mango and got a big hunk of sweet rice and my oh my, that is some good stuff. I am so full now, but freshly made mangoes and sticky rice is worth it. And, there’s plenty for breakfast.

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