Skip to content

When Do You Give Up?

January 22, 2009

Church down the street from our house…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about giving up, and not giving up. Not on a grand scale — just the little ‘giving ups’ that happen throughout the day. Maybe it’s called surrender — I don’t know. But anyway, when I am tired and kind of mopey (like today) I find it’s useful to give up. Frequently. Over and over. I gave up trying to be in a good mood. I gave up trying to be cheerful for my staff meeting. I gave up trying to get an answer about a vendor issue. At some point, I just realize: this is not going to change right now. So might as well just give up. For now. For five minutes. For the rest of this meeting. Whatever.

Then there’s going back to school — I’m not giving up there, but I am giving up trying to push so hard, at least for this semester. Instead, I’m going to focus on healing, and doing art. Here’s where the not giving up comes in. I have given up over and over on myself with art. I just never push myself very far at all. I’m too afraid. Literally! It’s weird. But this time, I feel like maybe I can do it. Maybe it’s okay that I don’t paint huge pictures. Maybe it’s okay if some of them turn out sort of dark and gloomy. Maybe it’s okay to just do what I want to do. In a way, that’s giving up too — giving up trying to live up to some expectation I had about myself. Or what I thought others expected of me.

Actually, I started this post because I wanted to talk about another kind of giving up: when do you give up on a book? I’m reading Was, and I have to say, although it’s interesting and I am sort of into it, I’m really not liking it for some reason. I think it’s sort of bumming me out. It’s just not what I feel like reading, even though I sort of am into it. Does that make sense? I guess I *could* read it but it’s not giving me that happy-reading feeling.

I know what the answer is, but I hate giving up on books. Maybe I’ll just give up on it for now since it’s just sort of making me feel bad. I think I should, since even just thinking about starting something else is making me feel better.

Other things I am giving up on tonight:
* ever getting TiVo hooked up correctly with the &*!^% cable box
* getting dinner done (the darn lasagna will not finish cooking!)
* my tummy feeling better tonight
* feeling ‘settled’ (although I’m sure once the stupid lasagna finishes cooking, that will help)

And now, I’m giving up on this being any sort of interesting post.

Advertisements
No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s