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This Is What It Looks Like To Not Struggle

January 23, 2009

This is not what I’m doing.

It’s a long, boring story, but I had another bout this evening with the What To Do With My Life monster. He’s really, really big; maybe some of you have a relative of his at your house? Maybe he is not so unfamiliar? Anyway. With the help of my darling Terri, he is subdued and that crack in the door that reads: Try NOT Trying So Hard is open a little further. Right. Quit grasping. Start painting. Why is that so hard for me? (oh right. it’s because what I really want to be and do has been deemed completely unrealistic, impractical, and silly. Thank you, Mr. Monster)

Anyway. I don’t know if it’s Round Two of mold detox, but I have fallen into another funk. This one is not so bad, and it’s starting to ease. But what is making this very difficult is that I can’t figure out what to read! I started to read Hostage To The Devil last night but that was actually *too* scary (and weird) so I had to physically take it out of the bedroom. It was very graphic and what the people said while possessed was just very disturbing. Yuck. It made me feel bad in a totally different way that Was, and much more distressing.

I have a couple others on my list: Anna Karenina, of course (which I think I will read a few pages of tonight); The Trickster, a spooky mystery; something spiritual that I can’t remember by Thomas Moore; and a few Philip Dick novels that Terri recommends. I don’t know what to pick up next. Such a dilemma.

In the meantime, may I recommend you check out a wonderful post on creativity and getting to where you are now, by my friend Shea.

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