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falling apart (just a little)

July 9, 2009


Since the double-whammy of yesterday, I have not been doing so good. Physically, I’m hurting and stiff and quite unhappy.

Emotionally, I’m a big fat mess. Suffice to say that tears are falling with frightening ease and frequency. I can’t stand that this is happening to my little kitty.

(would like to say here that I know lots of people are going through a variety of terrible things right now — big huge hugs to all of you. Just feeling the need to vent a little…)

I’m also feeling extremely frustrated that even though I have been working my ass off and saving like crazy — almost even having the insane thought that we might be able to look for a house to buy next year — we are suddenly hit with vet bills AND car bills. Effing hit and run driver. I feel very bitter about this. Of course I’d rather not pay for vet bills, but it’s necessary to keep Miss Little comfy. The car thing makes me mad, however.

Bitter. Yes. I think that is how I am feeling. Bitter and sad. It’s not very attractive. It doesn’t feel very good. I hate feeling victim-y. I want to run away from myself.

I know this will all pass. I know it will not be bad forever. But right now I am feeling like I’m choking on the bitter pill and am not feeling so pleased about The Universe or whoever runs this show.

To one sweet adorable love-filled little black and white kitty, it IS the end of the world, and for that I feel like throwing a gigantic tantrum. I. Can’t. Stand. It.

But I can’t fall down on the floor and kick my feet, because I can barely bend my neck. So what’s a girl to do? Can’t even throw a decent tantrum. WTF.

Oh well. Like Terri said to me today: It could be worse. We could be members of the Donner Party!

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