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impressive

February 25, 2010

I was in an impressively bad mood today. I’m not sure why. The day didn’t start off so bad (except for the fact that I had to leave our nice cozy warm bed). But, pretty soon after that, it started to go downhill.

It was like I was possessed, or had a demon temporarily (I hope) living inside me. It was sort of satisfying in its completeness. I was completely grumpy. Crabby. Irritable. Bad Mood Central. Giving off bad vibes (I’m sure). A Very Bad Bad Bad Mood.

I could make some guesses, I suppose, as to the origin of this incredibly bad mood, but instead I will just admire it for its audacity. I rather like a really good bad mood every now and again. I find that actually it helps me see clearly (sometimes). For instance: I could see, very clearly, during a meeting today, that what we were talking about was a complete moot point. This thing, which we were talking about, was never going to happen. Usually, you know, you try to sort of go along with things, make the road smoother, do what Needs To Be Done. But today? That little demon inside was having none of it. “This is baloney,” it said (to itself, thankfully).

See? Kind of satisfying.

I got an offer to have another babysitting client. I don’t think I want another babysitting client, actually. I think I would rather make my silly graphic design website, which is incredibly difficult for some reason. I thank my bad mood for pointing this out to me: I have plenty of kids now, thank you. No need for more. I like the ones I (occasionally) see and that’s good enough. I would do better spending my time charging far more, for graphic design.

I really needed to be home tonight, for a variety of reasons. Instead, I am at someone else’s house, taking care of their (very cute) kid. My bad mood clearly points out: You needed to be home. Do what you need to do to be home more.

Got it.

Every once in awhile, bad moods are actually quite constructive. I’m feeling better now, but I’d really really like to be home. Where I need to be.

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