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Thirty Days Notice

August 30, 2010
We were feeling sad about leaving our beloved Oakland and our apartment, which we really do like. However, there are some things we won’t miss so much. With that, my draft letter to our landlady, giving 30 days notice.
Dear Landlady-
With this notice we are hereby giving our 30 days notice of vacating (our apartment). We are fortunate enough to have purchased our first home. We will be moving sometime around September 15th, so you will have plenty of time to show the apartment after we’ve moved out.
We’d like to thank you for being a truly nosy landlady. Whether it was quizzing our references as to whether or not we were drug addicts or where we got our antiques (or opening the books on our table, or asking about the state of our mental health), you shoved your nose where it didn’t belong over and over. We are thrilled that you did, because it gave us the shove we needed to really step up our home search.
In addition, thanks for being overly picky about some things (banning door mats, monitoring window shades being open or closed, establishing criteria for items being displayed on the back porch) and completely negligent in others (wasp removal, heating, electrical wiring, plumbing). Again, your lack of attention to truly important things was inspiring. We were so inspired, that we chose to move 30 miles away.
We will miss lovely (our address) but with the coming winter, we will not miss having to wear four to five layers of clothing to simply keep warm. We will also not miss having to crawl on the floor to retrieve items from the vegetable bins, nor being frightened out of our wits from the ancient doorbell. We will not miss the creepy guys out in the back storage garages, nor the mustard yellow sink and toilet, nor the mildewy washing machine. We are grateful for all these things, because our new home will be like a modern castle in comparison.
So, with much gratitude, we bid you adieu.
Daphne and Terri
12 Comments leave one →
  1. August 30, 2010 4:34 pm

    Too. Funny.

    Go you.

  2. August 30, 2010 4:49 pm

    she sounds like a dream. whyever would you want to leave? 🙂

  3. August 30, 2010 6:52 pm

    This is a hilarious letter….Our landlord lived about 300 miles away on Long Island. I reached the boiling point when water poured down on our new couch. We were so out of there. You will NEVER miss your days of renting again. Trust me.

    • August 31, 2010 11:39 am

      Ugh, that sounds terrible. We had a clogged sink which we tried to unclog for MONTHS while she thought about having the guy come over to fix it. She also thought about (for months) having the wasp nests removed, and some other things. I believe that she never thought about the heat situation. I feel sorry for the next tenants.

  4. August 30, 2010 11:56 pm

    lol 😀

  5. August 31, 2010 2:34 am

    I hope you send this version! 🙂

  6. August 31, 2010 3:27 am

    What a delightful woman she sounds like. I really hope you sent that version… or that you do after you move! Enjoy your new home.

  7. August 31, 2010 7:24 am

    Oh, so satisfying 🙂

  8. trapunto permalink
    August 31, 2010 11:25 am

    What a *7%$#.

    I only laugh when it hurts, and I am pretty much yelling with laughter right now.

    I have never been gladder to see the back of someone’s white tunic than our raw-vegan-nudist-musician landlord’s. Which makes him sound a lot less creepy than he was.

    Resident landlords should be banned!

    • August 31, 2010 11:27 am

      She wasn’t even a resident landlord! She would come by and ‘monitor’ to check to make sure that no one had a welcome mat out front (you know, she likes the front to look “balanced”) or to leave notes if someone had a rug hanging over the back porch rail.

      A lot LESS creepy! Yikes! Our lady isn’t creepy, just extremely nosy and sort of lackadaisical.

  9. September 3, 2010 8:54 am

    oh my! but if you had a nice landlady, you wouldn’t have been able to write such an amusing post for us! 🙂
    Happy Almost-In-that-New-to-You HOME!!

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