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some thoughts

September 1, 2010

This whole house-buying thing has been going so quickly and has been so stressful that I feel like I haven’t had time to really reflect upon what is actually happening here. We are BUYING A HOUSE. As in, 5-year goal #1 is actually happening! Which means that #’s 2, 3, 4, 14, and 18 can also be thought about. Life is good. Anyone who has been following my blog for any amount of time is totally sick of me longing for a house. The wait is over! Now you get to read about me endlessly blogging about the home inprovement projects! Woohoo! 🙂

Of course we will miss Oakland, and we’ll miss a (very) few things about this apartment (but really? not many) and of course we’re sort of vaguely terrified about all this, but I’m having a hard time figuring out what part of my near-constant anxiety is actually fear and what part is barely-contained excitement. I think it’s all wrapped up into one feeling — not entirely comfortable, but soon to be resolved.

Today I called and set up utilities. We are probably going to be signing papers next week. It seems that this actually truly happening, despite my brain’s insistence that it’s all a dream, or that at the last minute, something will happen and it’ll all fall apart.

If I stop and think about it, I am dumbfounded. This is, literally, a dream come true. Not often that this happens. I think that for some people, maybe buying a house is just the next step in a long line of Things You Do When You Grow Up. It’s exciting, but maybe it’s not a dream come true (unless it’s like, Dream House). Maybe they don’t have so many hopes and dreams and plans so tightly dependent upon having a house. Maybe they don’t mind renting. Maybe they don’t want a yard. Maybe they didn’t have to wait so long. Maybe it didn’t feel quite so out of reach. But for me, this has really been the #1 thing I have wanted in my life. I was never really sure what I wanted my career to be, I’m still sort of on the fence about kids… but a house. A house is what I’ve dreamed about since I can remember. And, because we live in the San Francisco Bay Area, a house is the one thing I was pretty sure I was not going to be able to have, as long as we lived here.

When I was growing up, my dad stressed the importance and advantages of having your own property. It’s your castle. It’s where you belong. You can do whatever you want with it. You can make it pretty, or let it go to seed. You can use your whole yard as a garden and mini-farm and become entirely self-sufficient. You can build forts. You can hang things in the trees. You can build a purple deck if you want. For, oh, about 30 years now, my brain has been planning and dreaming and wanting and wondering and creating entire estates that exist only in my mind. And very soon, we’ll get to start doing these things for real.

Also, the past couple years have been so hard. So scary and dream-crushing and frustrating and scary and oh, did I mention scary? I think it’s going to be amazing for us to have something so good happening. We’ll still be focusing on Terri’s health of course, but there will be other worthwhile things to think about as well. Gardens to plant. Bathrooms to paint. Hammocks to lay in. Stained-glass windchimes to create (Terri’s going to revive her stained-glass hobby!). Good things, soul-nurturing things. Creative things. Hard work, but in a different way. I think it’s going to help heal us both.

I am so grateful that all the stars aligned and we were able to do this. I mean, seriously? We actually had the money, rates are low, prices are low, and we somehow got a terrific house. I can barely believe this is happening for us. Ever since I’ve lived in California, it’s been absolutely out of reach. Like, not even in the realm of thinking about. Barely worth checking into. A heartbreaking proposition no matter what. So now I’m sending thank-you prayers to every force and deity known and unknown.

It might not be my *dream* home (which would be something like a  Craftsman cottage or a funky farmhouse on 2-3 acres) but it’s pretty close. Cute, smallish (I prefer smaller houses), enough storage, enough space for an art room and a guest room, a great yard with trees and room to do whatever we want, within walking/biking distance to groceries, shopping, freeways, the library and downtown, very close to open space and camping. Yep, it’s pretty much perfect.

Oh, and the kitchen. This is pretty much a dream kitchen. Yep.

I never ever thought we would have such a pretty kitchen. I’m in love.

So… in about two weeks, we will be there. Or so I’m led to believe. I can’t wait for that moment when we are all moved in, when the bed is set up and the cats are safe and the movers are gone, when we can walk outside, look at the trees, look at the yard, and say, “This is ours.”

18 Comments leave one →
  1. September 1, 2010 1:58 pm

    This is so amazing, I am so excited for you! (And still SO jealous of the kitchen!) Congratulations!

  2. trapunto permalink
    September 1, 2010 2:22 pm

    Beautiful thoughts. I’m glad you’ve realized your dream!

    • September 1, 2010 5:04 pm

      Me too! I thought it would never happen. Seriously.

  3. September 1, 2010 3:27 pm

    Congratulations on becoming a home owner! Your kitchen is absolutely gorgeous.

  4. September 1, 2010 3:43 pm

    That is a mighty fine kitchen. I can’t wait to see all the goodies you’ll be cookin’ up.

    Congrats to the both of you…

    • September 1, 2010 5:04 pm

      It’s an inspiring kitchen! I haven’t been doing too much cooking lately but I think that’s going to change…

  5. September 1, 2010 5:02 pm

    i want to eat many delicious things cooked in that kitchen.

    and if you build a purple deck, im totally coming down to help. and taking pictures.

    you and terri need some wood rocking chairs to put on your patio (do you have a patio?) then you can sit out there with a bottle of bartles and jaymes between you and say, “ah yes, its good to have land.”

    enjoy it all. and congrats again.

    • September 1, 2010 5:06 pm

      One purple deck coming up!!

      We do have a patio, made of three different materials (concrete, brick, and one other thing I can’t think of right now). But I think rocking chairs are in order. Or at the very least, a hammock.

  6. Erin permalink
    September 1, 2010 7:33 pm

    This is just such a wonderful thing, I am thrilled your dream is coming true!

  7. September 1, 2010 10:19 pm

    I’m just so excited for you all and when I hear about all of the creative things that you all will be able to do and all of the doors that this house opens up it just makes me smile!! And that kitchen is to DIE for 😀

  8. September 2, 2010 4:03 am

    That kitchen is to die for….Just keep pinching yourself. It’s really happening!

    • September 2, 2010 8:44 am

      I hope so!! I can’t wait for my birthday. We are moving on my birthday (the 15th) — what a perfect way to celebrate!

  9. September 2, 2010 6:54 am

    James would seriously consider killing for a kitchen like that. Can’t wait to see and hear about all the wonderful tasty creations that come from it!

    • September 2, 2010 8:44 am

      All this talk about dying, killing, and our new kitchen… hmmm. Is there something I should be aware of? I’m SO excited. We’re thinking we might have to sleep in the kitchen a few nights. Just kidding. Sort of.

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