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procrastination

March 24, 2011

I am now at the point in my overwhelm/stress/grief where I wonder if I’m taking it easy to take care of myself, or if I’m just procrastinating. Our little Katie is now having a hard time; the vet is coming tomorrow morning and we will see what she says. She’s so fragile; we’re pretty worried. She’s having some edema in her legs, a little fast breathing, doesn’t seem to be feeling terrible but certainly she’s slowing down. Cleo left us three weeks ago today; somehow this just seems like too much to handle.

So I feel stressed, worried, scared, sad. And am still trying to move through the grief of losing Cleo.

In addition, the new federal tax law for domestic partners in California is stressing me out. I think I need to file an extension, just so I have enough time to go through everything and make sure we’re in compliance. This is also stressful; I’ve never had to file for an extension (I know it’s no big deal, but…). It sounds so complicated (all the new tax stuff, not filing for an extension). I feel intimidated. And probably I’m procrastinating on this as well.

Mostly I just don’t wanna deal with it.

My dad was here last night and today with his lovely lady. We went to a big family party last night, which was really nice. Today Dad and I made plans for the chicken coop. My job will be to have it all framed out (if I can) by July, when he’s coming back for a track meet. Then he’ll help me do the next steps and hopefully I can finish it on my own, but he’s a huge help. Chickens!! I can’t wait. I think maybe we’ll order some chicks for next spring. CHICKS!!!

I have three book reviews to write. We have to drive to Santa Rosa on Monday for Terri’s doctor appointment. Buddy (the cop car) needs to have a leak checked out. We haven’t eaten anything resembling a balanced meal in what feels like weeks.

And the list goes on. I know this isn’t any big deal but I try pretty hard to stay on top of stuff like this, and I feel like I’m slacking. But I also feel like I’m pretty stressed right now. Grief is hard. Work is driving me crazy (just one part of it, eating up more than its share of my time and energy). The rain goes on and on — usually I wouldn’t complain about this, but it’s cold and stormy and some sun would feel good right about now.

But my potatoes are sprouting. And soon we’ll choose some tomatoes. And I think I figured out how to frame those raised beds myself.

I see why people get really into gardening. It feels therapeutic.

Also: To Kill A Mockingbird is really, really, really good. Why did I wait so long?

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. March 24, 2011 9:11 pm

    i hope things settle down soon. i know this feeling of having too many plates in the air. it can be stressful.

    and yes, if you need to, file the extension. it will be much better than screwing something up on your taxes and maybe getting audited.

    i hope Katiekins is better soon.

    • March 25, 2011 11:15 am

      It’s no fun at all. And yeah, probably trying to avoid an audit would be wise. 🙂

  2. Mom permalink
    March 25, 2011 7:03 am

    Hugs and love.

  3. March 25, 2011 8:01 am

    Oh Daph, I’m sorry to hear about Katie. I hope she’ll be ok. It sucks when the universe dumps everything on you at once. Gardening is very therapeutic especially pulling weeds. Hang in there. *Hugs*

    • March 25, 2011 11:15 am

      If only it would stop raining long enough to go out and pull some weeks!
      (pardon me, as I spiral into a litany of whiny complaints!)

  4. trapunto permalink
    March 25, 2011 9:14 am

    “Mostly I just don’t wanna deal with it.” I really sympathize. Have you considered a tax accountant? After much foot dragging, I went to one a few weeks ago, and she was lovely (clearly loved her job! even this time of year!). She talked to me for 10 or 15 minutes, and it turned out I won’t need to file an extension or worry about the thing I thought I would need to worry about until next year, so this year I can still do our taxes myself. (Not fun, but at least it’s nothing I haven’t done before.) Such a relief. And then she didn’t charge! And said I could email her! I will go back to her next year.

    Yay for future chicks!

    Forget the book reviews if you don’t feel like them and have a good hot meal with the one you love. (Making mental crock-pot plans as I type this.)

    • March 25, 2011 11:09 am

      Hmm. That’s good idea, just talking to someone. The quote we saw for someone doing our taxes was $900 per person, just because of all the crazy new stuff. What I need to do is really do a good assessment of what needs to happen. Right now I kind of don’t know what I don’t know. But see above: don’t wanna deal with it. But, I will. This weekend.

  5. March 25, 2011 1:05 pm

    Like I said before, I’m really sorry to hear about your kitty 😦 I hope that working in the garden helps you out. It gives me so much peace and grounding…I love it. Sorry to hear about the tax stuff too. I’ve been thinking about that a lot myself lately as I’ve found myself in a relationship with another guy for the first time and I’m desperately in love, lol. I can see how things can be ridiculous when it comes to government involved stuff.

    • March 25, 2011 5:03 pm

      congratulations!!! That’s wonderful! Yeah, the government is pretty much making a huge mess for itself (and us) by wanting things both ways: “you can’t get married, but we still want your money.”

  6. March 28, 2011 7:13 pm

    I’m sorry you are in a stormy place.

    Sick kitties and taxes are at the bottom of any list.

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