So, I don’t even know how to write about this.
I thought I was done crying, but apparently not, since I’m having trouble seeing the screen, and my throat is closing up in a way that is all too familiar, given the amount of tears in the past 48 hours.
We had to give Maggie back. None of it is Maggie’s fault. For lots of reasons, having a puppy was too much for us. For me, it pushed me to really unhealthy stress levels. I have never had panic attacks but I was feeling like I might, at any moment. I know, I know. I know. Please don’t judge too harshly. We just didn’t realize. And we should have.
Thankfully the rescue people were really nice, obviously loved her (she was their favorite), and said they will find her an amazing home very quickly. This did not stop me from sobbing like my heart was breaking, which of course it was. And is.
The worst thing is that we are such animal people — to admit that we couldn’t take care of her just kills us. We loved her so much — I haven’t been able to stop crying for more than a few hours, since we realized it just wasn’t going to work. She was a perfect puppy, and would have been an amazing dog.
Maybe, at some point down the road, we will try again. With a nice, well-behaved, medium-sized adult dog. But for now, we are going to focus on resting. We have been operating from a place of grief (losing two cats in less than three months, plus a bunch of other stresses and crises which I haven’t really blogged about), and we need to just stop. Regroup. Recover.
I’m considering closing comments on this post, but I’ll leave it open. Please, anonymous posters, keep any nonsupportive comments to yourself.